When in doubt just try...

I have done things in the past 5 1/2 weeks that I never imagined I would. And each time I try something new, even if I can barely manage it or can't even do it I am pleased with myself. I am pleased because I tried. I didn't make an excuse. When I do make excuses, I look back with regrets. I find my days filled with more pride than regret. And today I was rewarded.

Last week I ruined the only pair of jeans that fit me. Spilled some bleach on them apparently. So, I went online to order a new pair. When this project started, those jeans barely fit me. They were tight...tight...tight. I had jeans that were a size larger (the largest I had ever owned) and I wore those more. After the last few weeks I couldn't wear those larger ones. And the size down was feeling good. So when it time to buy a new pair, I was tempted to buy the same style in the same size and then I thought...wait...go for it. And, I bought the exact same style one size down. If you've lost count that is two sizes down from the pair I was wearing at the start of this. I figured, even if I can't do it yet, I will get into them.

Today, I came home and there was the package on the front doorstep. I took them inside and opened them up and held them up. I knew they wouldn't fit yet, so I threw them on the chair and started to get ready for the gym. But curiosity got the better of me. So, I took a deep breath and pulled them on. And with not even a wince of trying, they were on. Zipped...buttoned....and covering my fanny. All because I just tried. I then promptly went to the gym and worked my butt off despite the coughs to finish one of our take home workouts.

Pushing myself...

Two nights in a row of Fusion classes. Last night was Fusion and tonight was Switch Up. I love the instructor for this class. She is the epitome of physical fitness and that could intimidate me but she always has positive things to say to everyone while encouraging them to get even better. Tonight we must have heard the phrase 'Push yourselves' two dozen times. After about the ninth time I started to ponder what that really means. What does it mean to push myself? Notice she didn't expect us all to be identical it is like she was encouraging us to set our own expectations. I'm not gonna lie, tonight was hard and yes I'm still recovering. But, tonight I tried almost every move without modification. No I didn't succeed at every move and sometimes I only did the move once or twice before I went to modified...but the point is I tried. I'm trying to push back the mental blocks I have imposed on myself to discover what my physical abilities are. Sometimes they are better than I thought and sometimes they are worse. But instead of not trying I am pushing myself to give it a shot.

Encouragement where you look for it...

Sometimes when the thought of putting on your shoes and walking out the door is more than you can handle you have to dig deep and think about how good you will feel when you are done. Motivation is a little hard for me right now.

My body is still completely exhausted and I feel like it is working against me. I am struggling to eat enough. I know that sounds silly when I'm working hard to lose weight, but I have to get a minimum amount of calories to function and meet the physical demands of the project. The calories can't be junk I need protein and complex carbs. The flu took my appetite and food just doesn't appeal to me right now. So I watch the clock and force myself to eat at certain times and even then I can't finish what I made. Water is also an issue. I try to drink it but my body just doesn't want it right now.

So, I'm frustrated. I wake with coughing fits. I cough all day. It is a deep painful one that gets worse with exertion. Here I am trying to make my body healthier and it is really fighting me. So when I could go home and go to bed, why on earth would I put on my nasty workout clothes and shoes and go to class instead.

Well, encouragement is there you just have to look for it. When I went to pop another cough drop, I stopped and read the wrapper. Who knew that there was encouragement on a cough drop wrapper. I never in my life paid attention until now. So tonight, thanks to Halls cough drops (not a product endorsement) for convincing me to push through and try my best.

And I'm back...

Well it wasn't a triumphant return to the soccer field, and to be honest at many points I was ready to sit down and stop. I wasn't able to do what everyone else was doing because I didn't realize how worn out my body was from being sick. But, I did it. I went back to boot camp this morning. Coughing and exhausted I wanted to lie down in the middle of the field and fall asleep. I didn't do that though. While everyone else was doing burpees and running I did my best just to keep moving. I didn't burn the calories I needed to but I did have a small victory. See, the old Courtney would have had the coughing fit all night like I did last night and used that as an excuse not to go. The new Courtney had the coughing fit, got up anyway and went. While I couldn't accomplish what everyone else was doing, I did accomplish that!

It's fun when people notice...

I'm still not 100% but I'm going back to bootcamp tomorrow and gonna do my best! Today I had a meeting with a group of women I hadn't seen in a while. And they all noticed. My best friend called me after it was over to say WOW. Not gonna lie, it feels good.

Magic soup and magic friends...

I'm on the mend! I even met A at the track and walked an hour. I have every intention of being in class 5:30 am Monday! I CANNOT WAIT!!! I do need a nap but I am cooking right now. Thanks to all my friends and family for their help these last few days. Lots of nice encouraging notes were read between sleeps. Soup was delivered and man it was good. I am attempting to make this magic soup this afternoon. It felt so good to be outside and feel the sun and the wind and move my body for the first time in days. Yes I am pushing myself but frankly not pushing myself is how I got here.

Turning the corner...

Woo hoo...I'm fever and ache free. Though still congested I am feeling much more like myself. Even though my mind says "Let's hit a Fusion Class this weekend" my body says "Um yah not so much." So, I stay in bed and wait til tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm hitting the track and going for a walk. The goal is a couple miles but really we will just see how this body is recovering.