This is a post about my workouts or weight loss. It is a post about love and loss.
There was someone that I loved to share things with. With whom I shared a lot of secrets. We laughed and she lectured and I listened. I never (well almost never) disobeyed her. It didn't matter towards the end that she was blind and fragile. She was in charge and I knew it. I loved my grandmother, Grammy, very much. In the last few years of her life I spent a lot of time with her. I know secrets about her I will never share and I will hold close. She died about a year and a half ago and when she died I was holding her hand. It was quiet and peaceful and what she wanted. And, it was both sad and joyous.
I think about her a lot and don't really cry about it anymore, because we had very frank discussions about life and death. We talked about her wanting to see my grandfather, Pops, again so I know she is happy with him. But I wish she was around just for a minute so I could share with her what I've accomplished. I know that she knows. I know that she's watching. But, sometimes, selfishly I want her physically present.
Today after a meeting, I went to the store to get a salad and for some reason she popped in my head. I don't know why but she did. While waiting to pay an elderly man spilled his coffee and I let him cut in line to pay so he could go get cleaned up. We chatted for less than 10 seconds and I felt a wave come over me. I felt so close to her and so loved. I went to the parking lot and promptly burst into tears.
I hope when I'm 80 I still feel as close to my Grammy as I do at 35. I hope that she remains an ever present spirit in my life. I hope that I can always remember her voice and her face and the way she could stare you down when you were in the wrong. I hope I remember her soft hands and strong opinions and I hope I am just like her.
I hope I feel this way when I'm 80 and someday when we meet again, we will have a lot to talk about.
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