Walking into the room...

We had our company party the second weekend of December. It is generally a more formal event with a band and party dresses. First off let's talk dresses.

In years past, I would buy something that would cover me, tent me, hide me....and deal with it. This year I opted to show some skin. Yup I bought a little black dress. Sleeveless and short. I wore hot pink heels and I had a spray tan a couple days before! Yup totally different.

The most fun thing is that everyone I hadn't seen in a year or two was SHOCKED! And kept telling me how great I looked. But better than that, I felt beautiful. I felt gorgeous. I felt alive. I had no qualms about showing my arms and I stood up straight and smiled for all the pictures.

It was a good night :)

Catching up...

Yah December got away from me. Yesterday was Christmas and there is a LOT to be happy about.
My big brother is getting married, my parents are healthy and I saved my life in 2013. 2013 had ups and downs in our family but I'm happy to say mostly ups.
This project has been one that I don't think I can ever adequately describe but all I can say is I am not the same girl I was when this journey began so I will write a few observations I've had this month and what I have experienced that has made life so different.

Sometimes ya gotta let loose....

I went down to my alma mater for football the last few weekends. We were in the playoffs. I took a picture with my bestie and loved it...here is why...
Here is a picture of us about a year and a half ago....

And here is a picture of the two of us two weekends ago....

I love E! She has always been so supportive of me and she will never know how grateful I am for her friendship...and now I don't mind taking pictures next to my pretty friend! 

Inch by inch...

The scale hasn't moved.
I could tighten the diet even more but frankly I'm wiped out.
The scale hasn't moved.
I could do more cardio.
The scale hasn't moved.
What has moved? What has changed?

I reached a frustration level unlike any I have had in 11 months and so I sat down by the fire and drew out the change in my body on posterboard....

I've lost 36 inches on my body. That is 3 (pardon my language) fucking feet!
Fuck the scale...I am KILLING IT!!!

A very different Thanksgiving this year...

Last year on Thanksgiving I laid on the couch for a bit watching the parade. I ate a fatty breakfast and then went and had steak with the family. I struggled to find something to wear and didn't feel comfortable at the table.

This year, it is a new life. First off I was pushing for the 30-in-30 challenge so when they opened up a Fusion Fly Rush Hour class at 5:30am on Thanksgiving morning, I didn't think twice and signed up. Um WTF who am I? Then, I ran home and cleaned up (and layered up) and headed out to meet my WLBC All Star friends for the Ward Parkway Turkey Trot...and rocked out my very first official 5K!!! Yah burned a lot of calories but more than that....I felt so good about myself when I sat down for our family steak that the meal was that much more delicious!

On paying it forward...

There is a woman in our group this round whom I am very fond of. I see myself in her and I see the desire she has to have this to attain these goals and I want that for her. I think she secretly hates it when I come up behind her and make her run but that is what I want for her. I want women, friends and strangers alike, to feel like I do. To set a goal that is seemingly overwhelming and to push themselves to get it. And, when pushing themselves isn't working, I want to be there to push them. I want women to know they can do it and to feel that joy when they put one foot in front of the other a little faster every single day!

From last to first...

I think of that time in January when I turned to S, L and K who had all done this before and asked 'Will I ever be able to keep up?' I think of the day I was terrified and didn't think I could ever keep up. That is what makes days like that morning when N & I were doing a relay workout and the two of us finished before everyone. We had to take a picture. We both realised that 11 months ago we were always dead last, and damn it we were FIRST!!!!

I have to think that to feel defeated and remember that feeling makes victory that much sweeter!

30 in 30...

This year has been an expensive one. So, when Fusion Fitness threw down the challenge I couldn't say no to the reward! If you do 30 classes in November, you will get a tank top AND 10 Fusion Fly passes with a $150 value! So that is one of the reasons that I didn't write so much in November. I was exhausted. With a studio class almost every single day, there was no time to write. But I pushed and pushed and wanted to quit. I wanted to cry, I did cry....but I finished...with 1 day to spare!

Shopping Spree!!!!!!!

For years I have hated shopping. I used to say it was because it was pointless and boring but let's be honest, it was because I couldn't wear anything. I have a dear friend and neighbor who always told me 'Hey, shoes and accessories always fit.' But you know what, I wanted to wear those cute clothes and boots and to walk in a store and feel like I belong. I have never felt that before.

Well, after months of hard work my happy ass headed to Chicago for the KU/Duke game and planned it so I went shopping with my mom. That is another thing. My mom loves shopping and the woman can find awesome things. It was always sort of a sore subject for the two of us to shop because I was never happy doing it. Well times they have changed. We had a blast and I shopped and shopped and shopped some more....stores whose doors were always closed to me are now open. And while this isn't a vanity thing, we had a hell of a good time reaping the benefits!

Yah it's been a month...

So November got away from me and here we are in December. I have lots to write about from November so sit back and I apologize for not writing before....but here come a few posts your way....

Have you lost weight....

Without a doubt it is a question that cracks me up...

When people who I see every day just now say, 'Hey have you lost weight?' I think to myself..'um yah about 60 lbs...um how th F*** are you just noticing?' So I smile and say yes and thank you. But inside I'm thinking 'do you remember how huge I was?'

Riding above a 10...

So it's been a couple months since I first step foot in the Fusion Fly studio to try Spin. And yup, I still love it. When I started, riding at an 8 gear for my base was a struggle. Slowly I built up and worked hard....and no I am not a Spin rock star. BUT guess what...I know ride above a 10 for entire rides. And, TONIGHT my ass got up to a 20! a FRICKIN 20!!! Now my RPMs were crazy low at that point and I wanted to vomit...perhaps that was because of the pain or perhaps it was because the sweat was pouring so hard that I actually swallowed a mouthful of it. (Overshare??) But yah...my base is between an 11 and 12!!!!

A frustration...

There is no doubt that my life has transformed this year. I don't mean my outward appearance, I mean my mentality towards life and priorities. I am thrilled by this and want to spread the love. But, there is a drawback. Not everyone in my life has been on this journey nor do they understand. They don't understand when I say sorry, can't I have a workout. Then even more frustrating is when they say 'Oh come on...'

Here is the deal, this is my life now. This is my commitment and dedication and what I want and need. Please don't ask me to give up my priorities in favor of yours. Not right now. Worse then that, when people try to make me feel bad like I am selfish and spoiled for spending so much time on this. Here are some things I've heard...

"Oh I couldn't do that I have to take care of ___________." (Implying their responsibilities are more pressing than mine)
"Oh I can't imagine taking all that time to workout my kids/husband/job/volunteer gig need me.' (somehow implying I have no other draws on my time)

Here's the deal. Discipline. Yes I am getting on my soap box...Discipline is the only way I have been able to do what I need to do and meet my commitments. And guess what, I have a ton of shit on my plate!

I am my sole provider so I work a full time job (which is often more than 40 hours), I am president of an organiziation with at least one event a month, I sit on a time consuming committee for the Junior League, I take care of my home (cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard, maintenance), I sit on the organizing commitee for a major road race (which I will chair in the next two years) that often calls for additional volunteer time....so yah I'm busy. I also spend between 12 and 14 hours a week working out.

So guess what, I am just as busy as you. A different busy but busy...so don't tell me you can't find 30 minutes every other day to walk your ass around the block and then act like I am so selfish for going after what I want....

The 30 in 30 challenge...

So they are having a challenge at the studio. If you take 30 classes in 30 days in November you get a tank top and 10 passes to Fusion Fly! That is about $150 worth of classes so yah...GAME ON! Now you may think 'Hey you work out all the time what's the big deal?' 

Well here it is...Our Monday/Friday morning workouts don't count. Our Wednesday night group workouts don't count....The only thing that counts is a studio or fly class...and considering I will be travelling then yah...gotta be careful on scheduling and do a lot more double downs on studio classes each day...

So here we go I have planned out the month with a few days padding...wish me luck!

I'm in the fast group....

Ok so fast may not be the right descriptor.

This morning we did a new workout that I don't think I've ever done. We lined up on one side of the soccer field in groups of 2,3 or 4....our trainer S said she wanted the people that didn't modify and could do more reps at one end and those that needed to modify at the other end. Basically she was lining us up so that no one felt like they were too slow and weren't intimadated.

But, by the same token she told us to group with people that we know would push us. I was in a group 2nd to the end on the NON-modifying end. Now a word about modifications, there is nothing wrong with them. In fact it is better to do a move modified and properly than non-modified and sloppy. I still modify some things because I know I get a better burn and do it much better.

So there we were in our groups. Each group had a notecard of an exercise. Basically we were doing a circuit. But, after 20 reps of a move, you had to sprint across the soccer field and back then do another 20. We were at each station for 3 minutes. There were I believe 10 stations or so maybe 12...

I remember a long time ago when I was the slowest. Today I felt like I was FLYING across that field. I even heard one person in my group say 'Wow, Courtney is a great pusher.' BEST FEELING EVER!!!!

What does 35" look like...

Tonight, I measured. I do this from time to time to think about how far I have come when the scale number bothers me...

I wish I had taken leg and arm measurements when I started but I will stick to three areas...Waist/Hips/Bust and what the loss means. So here are the changes to date:

Body Area	January 2013	Bootcamp Round 4 Week 1	Week 5	Loss to Date
Waist	53"	41"	40"	-13"
Hips	55"	45"	43"	-12"
Bust	51"	42"	41"	-10"

That means I have lost 35" on just these three areas...I am sure if I had measured legs and arms from the beginning I would be well into 40"s by now.

Today I learned I can jump...

Let's start by understanding, I am currently in PAIN....like OW holy crap.

Ok moving on. This morning I got up and met up with the Trolley Run Running Group. It is brand new and we are training for the run, however I should mention I don't get to do the run because well, I help 'to run' the run...I'm on the committee.

Then after an early morning chilly run, I headed to Fusion for Circuit with J. J is AWESOME! She pushes us and it is never boring, but I will say she was a cheerleader and LOVES JUMPING...and there was a lot of jumping.

I had three crazy conquests today at three different stations today.

1. Jab/Jump: With weights in hands you throw a couple left jabs then jump up onto a step with 2 risers twice then repeat on the right. Conquest: I jumped up and down without thinking about it. I felt very bouncy.

2. Toe Tap/Jump: Again with weights in hands did 4 high knee toe taps on top to the top of a step on 4 risers. Yes 4... Conquest: I JUMPED UP on the high step without stressing and I saw a tiny girl come after me who freaked and couldn't do it.

3. Frog Jumps: In plank kick legs back like a frog, then jump up and do two frog jumps in the air. Conquest: This was my last station and I had a burst of energy and jumped crazy high (for me).

A few months ago I couldn't jump. And now I can do it without freaking out. When you are crazy overweight, you constantly fear falling down because your center of gravity is an unknown. You feel clumsy and unable to move with grace.

I'm starting to feel graceful!

When I look in the mirror...

I realised this morning when talking to my friend A during our run that I haven't had a negative thought about my physical appearance in months. While that may not seem like a big statement you have to ponder this. I used to wake up and before my feet hit the floor think something bad about myself. That is a hard way to start every day.

Think about starting every day in a negative fashion and how that would put your mind in a bad place every day.

Now, I wake up and look in the mirror and smile. That is the way that a girl should start her day. My body isn't where I want it to be but my mind is and that is so much more important!

Do you remember my dream...

A long time ago, well 10 months ago almost to the day...I shared how I used to dream that I was running...Don't remember? Here ya go you can read it here....

This morning I got up and met my good friend A from my first two rounds of bootcamp. First let me set the stage. It is 30 degrees out. It is COLD...it is DARK at 5:30 am....so I put on two pairs of pants, two shirts, two jackets, gloves, hat and scarf. I met A at a park and we knocked out almost an hour of running. Sure I had to walk a few blocks but this was my longest run I have EVER done IN MY LIFE....while the distance wasn't long the fact that my body was moving and running I felt like I was gliding just like my dreams.

Today is gonna be a good day!

And when the weight doesn't come off..

MEASURE!!!
So 4 weeks in and the lbs aren't going down. I am frustrated so I busted out my trusty tape measure....and there ya go...2 more inches off my waist and 1 more off my hips....
So I just have to remember this image...

A birthday...

Saturday was my 36th birthday. Unlike last year I didn't think of everything I didn't get done the previous year, I marveled instead at the woman I have become. I basked in the joy of my new body rather than lamenting the age now reflected on my drivers license. I woke up and did two killer workouts rather than eat my way through the day. My trusted pal, my Polar heart monitor watch even 'made' me a cake....all in all...a great day!

It's one of those off weeks...

I feel so lazy and yet so busy. I feel lazy because I am really struggling to get my workouts in. I have to forgive myself but it is eating at me. At the same time I am exhausted from all of my commitments. I think this is a good week to remind me what life will be like after bootcamp is over. I won't always have the drive of a Monday morning weigh in, but I will always have 1,000 things I have to do. It is about doing the best I can and making the most of the time that I do get into the studio or the gym or out for a run.

Breaking through...

I've been plateaued for weeks. It has been so incredibly frustrating. I don't mean I haven't lost any weight, but the loss has been just a couple ounces here, maybe a pound there. For some people that might be ok. But when you are killing yourself doing this program, that can be SO FRUSTRATING!!!

Yesterday, was Monday morning weigh in. I got on and FINALLY I broke through. A 3 lb loss and a great big smile. I wasn't happy just for the weight, but because it restored my faith in this program. Don't get me wrong I know that it works. But when you reach a level of exhaustion and frustration you start to question.

So, I will keep on going with renewed faith that my body will in fact respond.

Sometimes you have to listen...

I got SUPER sick last Friday. I was up sick all night and finally stopped around 4:30 am. My first thought, oh look I think I can get dressed and make it to 5:30 bootcamp. Yah then I needed a reality check. DUDE sometimes you have to listen to your body. So I gave in and fell asleep.

Rain...rain...rain..CUPCAKES!!!

Saturday worked hard to keep me in bed. It was the first really cool Fall morning. I had my bedroom window open and listened to the rain as it poured down and felt the breeze come through my window and I felt peaceful. I cancelled my two morning classes and rolled over...and then the guilt came.

So, I sat up and scheduled a 10:30 class. There is a new class called 'Cardio Culture.' It is 45 minutes of hard cardio and 15 minutes of toning. And man it is SWEATY. But I went. And when I pulled up I saw it...a damn cupcake bakery opened next door to the studio out south. (Note: I never go to that studio and that's why it seemed to appear overnight). I was super pissed to see this then I took a breath and realized, I have no desire to go in there. So moving on with life.

Holy $#IT....I am FAST!!!

Friday morning's bootcamp workout was one of my favorites, in a painful ow crap sort of way. After warm ups we all met in the middle of the field and did a few exercises (mountain climbers, push ups, crunches etc...) then for four minutes we ran/jogged the perimeter of the field. It is fun where we sprint the long side then jog/walk the short side. The fun comes in when you are sprinting and you pass people. I like to pick someone and push myself to pass them. Yah, I'm rather competitive.

After the four minutes, we came back to the center did more exercises then sprint/jogged again. We did this a few times and it felt so good. At one point I was sprinting/jogging with N and turned to her and said, WOW we are two of the fastest girls! She reminded me of how not so long ago we were the slowest...man that felt good.

Oh and BTW for the second time I was able to jog the whole warm up!

And when exhaustion hits..

You MUST go to sleep. Thursday I hit a WALL...a WALL people. I got up and hit Fusion Fly which was great but, by 3:00 I was WIPED OUT.... So, I cancelled my evening class and went home to bed. It was exactly what my body needed. I forgave myself for only working out once that day and moved on with life.

And then I had a moment...

Tonight we had a different Wednesday night bootcamp. Instead of Switch Up like we have done for the last 3 rounds, instead this round we are meeting Wednesday nights and doing a 30 minute circuit and a 30 minute Fly...It felt so good to push myself. Then when we were finishing the Fly portion, S (our trainer) started to tell us to look at ourselves in the mirror as we cooled down and think about why we chose to do this. To think about what we want to accomplish in these 12 weeks.

I looked at myself. My sweaty self. Cycling on this bike with my skinny legs and started to cry. I started to let myself appreciate the work I have done and I thanked myself and had a good cry in that dark steamy room.

Prepping for my new career...

I hit up a new studio tonight and worked on some of those moves that I learned this summer...remember this...

Man after just a couple months I can do this so much better!!

The end of the beginning...

"This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. This is perhaps an end to the beginning." - Winston Churchill

Today was my last 'first' day of bootcamp. My excitement was the fact that I was able to jog the whole warm up, to run the whole time we were asked to, to knock out 61 push ups in 60 seconds... And so to remind myself of how far I've come and to have even more appreciation I went back and looked at my first day and marvel of how different my life is. Don't remember...you can read it here...

What a difference 9 months make...

Today was our check in / kick off for Bootcamp. It was the 4th start of a bootcamp for me. As I drove to the studio, I was very aware of my emotions and mentally compared them to how I felt all those months ago. I was excited and ready and knew that I could totally do this. I remembered how scared I was to walk into this strange place that I circled the block multiple times waiting. I remember how awkward I felt in the workout clothes and how seeing all those skinny girls I knew that I would fail....What a difference 9 months make.

Today, it felt like walking into my clubhouse. I feel so comfortable there. I know people I know what I am doing and it is just routine. And that is when I became aware of the newbies. The girls that were sitting up against the wall not talking to anyone. The girls who had that look of terror or self conciousness about them...and that is when I knew I had to pay it forward. I made an effort to introduce myself to a few of them and tell them a little bit of my story and encourage them that they can do it! They can totally get through this and own it. Some belived me, some looked at me like I was crazy. But, I want every woman who walks into this place to know that she will gain so much.

The most telling part of the day? When R took my 'Before' shots and when we were done she looked at me and said 'Wow so much more confident than the first time...'....Yup I am.

Don't forget you can follow my log for the 4.0 workouts on this page

10K F### YAH!!!!

Friday...I ate poorly...

I mean really poorly...

I mean I was SUPER LAZY...

So about 3:00pm I got it in my head to take a long run/walk from my house to my best friend's house. So I asked her 'Hey, if I make it to your home can you drive me home?' She of course said yes but kept giving me an out.

Hey Court, why didn't you just do a lap that would end at your house? You may be thinking.... Well I will tell you why. If I had just done a loop it would have been too easy to just say screw it and turn back or take a short cut home. But, if I went a distance away from home with a point of no return then I knew I would have to finish. And guess what....I DID! It was funny because I kept randomly running into friends and sorority sisters along the way. It was a beautiful evening and when it was done I felt so proud of myself.

It's a community...

My family's life was affected a long time ago by tragedy. When someone you love battles Leukemia, you can feel so helpless. When that someone is a child it is even more horrible because not only can you not explain anything but you can find no rhyme or reason.

The Fusion community has been affected by a similar situation. I call it a community because it is not a gym. These are the women that are in my life on a daily basis. I see them more than my family. This is not a get thin program or a be the skinny girl quest. These women provide a wholesome and loving and supporting environment to encourage me in my hopes and my efforts. This week I got to see how this community has pulled together and contributed an unbelievable amount of money and effort to the Light the Night walk.

I am so proud to be a part of this community and know that this won't end when my bootcamp time ends. I see these as long term relationships.

Trying new things...Pure Barre...

In the spirit of trying new things, I went to a new studio the other night. One of my sorority sisters has been doing Pure Barre for a long time and so I decided...'Why not?!' First class is free right :) Kind of like a drug deal...hey little girl the first taste is free. So I sucked in another sister and the three of us went. It is such a different vibe. Some similar moves but way more chill and zen. It was a nice break from the high intensity workouts. Don't get me wrong, it hurt like hell!! Who knew such tiny repetitive movements could hurt so bad. But, the difference is that in between moves we would pause and stretch. This pausing is a foreign concept to me. One I might get used to...but I'm loyal to Fusion.

In the 'off' season...

There were two weeks between the 3rd and the 4th bootcamp. I didn't do two a days, but unlike last time I worked out almost every single day with the goal of maintaining my weight. The critical error I made last time was to have a little too much fun in between sessions. This resulted in me spending the entire 3rd session trying to lose that weight. It just put me at a bad starting point. I am revived and determined that my 4th will be better.

Filthy habit...

When I was 14 I smoked my first cigarette. (Mom let's not pretend yup I smoked...and I smoked a long time). In fact, I smoked until the day I started my first bootcamp. I haven't talked about it much because honestly a couple of times this year I have had a couple. They make me feel horrible so I try not to have them ever. In fact I can count on one hand the number of nights I have smoked since I started this project. But, I wanted to mention it because the workouts, healthy eating is not even the most major change in my life. Yup, I broke up with Marlboro Ultra Light 100s.

I threw myself a dance party...

So personal confession...last night I threw myself a dance party. Just me. In my tiny house. In my itty bitty living room....

It started when I turned around real quick and balanced in a way I hadn't done since I was a kid in ballet. I then thought..."Wow didn't realize I could do that again!" I began to think about what else I could do...so I tried...ballet, tap, plain ole bustin a move...I finished it off with 'attempting' a back bend...HOLY SHIT...yah a bit too far.

Then I sat down and thought about my body. About how I had abused it all these years. About how this year has really been a love letter to myself. I was grateful to my mind for pushing my body and I think my body was grateful too....and then...I danced some more!

The sickness of a 5:30am workout...

So the classes I go to you have to sign up before you go. And sometimes if you don't sign up early enough, you end up on the waitlist. Sometimes you want of the waitlist and let's be honest sometimes you kind of hope that 'oh well' didn't get in...sleep in...occurs...

This week I have been pushing for 5:30am classes. This isn't normal for me. I like bootcamp mornings but morning classes every day, that shit is tough! Let's talk about what it takes...

To get to a 5:30 am class, I have to go to bed at 9:00pm or earlier. I get up at 4:40. I set two alarms to make sure this happens (but sometimes I mess em up). I walk out the door by 4:55 to drive to the studio or the soccer fields. If I go to the soccer fields or the studio out south, I have to pack my clothes and lunch and schlep it with me cause I'm not coming home. I like to be in the studio by 5:15 am. I like to get a good spot and I get in a good mental place to work out. I leave class at 6:30 am and either drive home or to the office or to my parents to get ready for work. So 5:30 am classes are hard logistically.

But, lately I get excited when I see an email come through that sais 'You've been added from the waitlist...'... what the hell is wrong with me?

So how will I spend these 2 weeks...

I made a critical error last time between bootcamps. I went a little nuts and put on lots of weight in a short amount of time. I spent the 8 weeks of the Summer Slam bootcamp working that off. So...lesson learned. I am trying so hard to maintain or perhaps lose before we start again on September 22nd. I am however giving myself a break. I am only doing one workout per day and while I am sticking to whole foods I am off counting calories. I do get on the scale every morning as a mental check in. I don't beat myself up but it does put me in the right frame of mind to get focused.

These 2 weeks are a trial run for what I will do when this is all over and I am in the maintenance phase of this new life.

End of Bootcamp #3...

Well, I finished. I didn't finish strong, but I finished. I had a massive head cold the last week, which stunk.

I'm still proud though. While I didn't lose the weight I had hoped, I was able to maintain and lose a little bit. During that time I was on vacation for 2 weeks and sick for 1 so I take it as a WIN!

Here is my latest side by side....I can barely recognize the old me...

All of a sudden I wasn't thinking about it...

In keeping with the spirit of appreciating what I've accomplished I had a moment this morning that almost made me cry...almost.

First off, I am STRUGGLING with allergies. I cannot breathe and the last thing I want to do is workout but I got up and I went.

This morning we did a circuit with sprints and running in between each 2 minute station. We'd do an exercise then sprint the long side of the field, jog the short side, sprint the long side and recover on the short and we would do this for 2 minutes. I had trouble with the cardio this morning because of my breathing and dry mouth (thank you antihistamines). But then, something amazing happened. On one of the sprints, I passed everyone...I was weaving in and out and I felt so fast. But that isn't where I almost cried.

It was when I was easing off and jogging around the field when I had a moment that took my breath away. As I was turning the corner after one lap I reached a point in the field where I remembered a moment so many months ago when I was having a hard day. It was about 45 pounds ago and I could only walk. Don't get me wrong I still walk alot courtesy of my hip. But, this was different. Back then when I walked I saw the girls passing me and while I smiled on the outside, inside I was humiliated. I thought 'I wish I could just get around the field once without stopping.'

Today, I remembered at that point on the field where I felt that so many months ago, I was jogging. I had just finished a lap and was cruising into a second and not even thinking about it. I wanted to jump back in time and hug myself and tell myself 'You WILL get there.'

Today, was a proud moment.

Taking stock in this last week...

This bootcamp hasn't gone how I wanted. I haven't lost the weight I wanted and I have struggled. I've been trying new things but I also had to give myself a check-in chat in the mirror. While I haven't seen the 'numbers' I want, I recognize that the changes of the last 8 months have taken hold. I think that is so much more important.

I get up for early workouts on my day off. I walk with confidence. I wear dresses that show my bare arms. I choose healthy foods at the grocery store and when I travel I don't resort to fast food. So these last 7 weeks and this next 1 hasn't been about the weight loss. It has been about enjoying my summer and maintaining where I need to be. It is a marathon...not a sprint!

Back on the bike...

I opted to return from vacation and kick it right into gear...my allergies had other plans so I have had to lay low these last couple days. But I did get my ass to the studio a couple of times. The first was a 5:25am class for Fusion Fly (spin) on Friday. I had Friday off and still got my ass out of bed to go. So I take that as a win!

I WON!!!

My family plays a lot of golf...I mean a LOT of golf. The end of the Summer ends in a family tournament where it is generally the men, but because some couldn't come we made it co-ed this year. We played 54 holes of golf in 2 days. I've worked really hard these last few months and all of a sudden everything clicked. EVERYTHING!!! And to the dismay of some...I WON!!! That's right I WON I WON I WON!!!!

I'm happier when I'm in MI...

I took my last trip to our Summer home in MI. I've had an amazing summer up there and when I'm there I feel better both mentally and physically. I try to stay active and I feel healthier. Here is one of the many reasons I love it there...These are some of the views I have when I run/walk down our street...

I'm back...

Got a few notes wondering where I was and well, I was on vacation and it was magnificent (more later). So tonight I will pound out a few entries so you can see what I've been up to heading into this last week of Bootcamp Round 3...

How freeing this week has been...

I feel like this week has been so much better. After that horrible Tuesday, and my decision to stop making it about the scale my stress has dropped. I am instead trying to focus on healthy decisions. I think this is part of the transition from bootcamp to real life. I think this was a good lesson for me.

Don't get me wrong, I have gotten on the scale and it is dropping but I kind of don't care. I am putting myself in a good place mentally and still accomplishing what I want to do. So I will keep pushing myself but I will also take time to reflect on each day and how far I have come. So, little victories. It is the little victories that add up into huge ones. Here are a few of my non-scale related victories this past week (in no particular order)...

1. Sunday I knocked out back to back workouts and one of them was a group fitness class where I wasn't sure I'd know anyone and I didn't care.
2. Saturday I woke up for a 6:55 am Fusion Fly Class and was excited about it.
3. Friday at a company meeting I ran up the stairs after our break and wasn't one bit winded
4. I started wearing lipstick which is huge because I never really wear make up in an attempt to remain hidden so yup that's a new one
5. Started shopping for a full length mirror for my home, something long since banished
6. Wore skinny jeans and pink high heels (see #4 to understand the significance)
7. I skipped a workout and did NOT beat myself up about it. Instead figured out why I did it and what I need to do next time.
8. Looked in the mirror and genuinely smiled back at myself
9. Borrowed professional clothes from a friend and guess what, it is the first time I've borrowed an outfit from a friend in I don't know how many years (I was always too big in comparison to friends)
10. I made this week NOT about the scale and I MEANT IT!!!

I hope I feel like this when I'm 80...

This is a post about my workouts or weight loss. It is a post about love and loss.

There was someone that I loved to share things with. With whom I shared a lot of secrets. We laughed and she lectured and I listened. I never (well almost never) disobeyed her. It didn't matter towards the end that she was blind and fragile. She was in charge and I knew it. I loved my grandmother, Grammy, very much. In the last few years of her life I spent a lot of time with her. I know secrets about her I will never share and I will hold close. She died about a year and a half ago and when she died I was holding her hand. It was quiet and peaceful and what she wanted. And, it was both sad and joyous.

I think about her a lot and don't really cry about it anymore, because we had very frank discussions about life and death. We talked about her wanting to see my grandfather, Pops, again so I know she is happy with him. But I wish she was around just for a minute so I could share with her what I've accomplished. I know that she knows. I know that she's watching. But, sometimes, selfishly I want her physically present.

Today after a meeting, I went to the store to get a salad and for some reason she popped in my head. I don't know why but she did. While waiting to pay an elderly man spilled his coffee and I let him cut in line to pay so he could go get cleaned up. We chatted for less than 10 seconds and I felt a wave come over me. I felt so close to her and so loved. I went to the parking lot and promptly burst into tears.

I hope when I'm 80 I still feel as close to my Grammy as I do at 35. I hope that she remains an ever present spirit in my life. I hope that I can always remember her voice and her face and the way she could stare you down when you were in the wrong. I hope I remember her soft hands and  strong opinions and I hope I am just like her.

I hope I feel this way when I'm 80 and someday when we meet again, we will have a lot to talk about.

I retired my yellow mat...

Remember my yellow yoga mat? If not this might refresh your memory...

Well, it was looking sad and beat up and I loved it and hated to part with it, so I didn't. Instead I retired it to be a soccer field/outdoor workout only yoga mat.

So, it was time to pick a new yoga mat. It may seem like a frivilous purchase but think about this. I workout between 12 and 13 hours a week. Of those workouts 2/3rds of them are generally with a yoga mat (if not more). You spend a lot of time on that mat and it had better be a good one. While I loved my yellow one (cause I was always the only person with yellow), I opted not to get another one like it. I needed something fresh and new and that included a new color.

So without looking up the meaning of the color, I opted to just pick a color I thought suited me and I chose pink.

When I see pink I think of my sorority. And no, I am not in college. I am far from it. But those women are still very much a part of my life. And, when I see pink I smile. So I bought a pink mat.

Then, I looked up what it meant... brace yourselves... Pink = Sweet, Romantic and Idealistic.

Eight months ago I would have said, um hell no. But now, I don't know I think that side of me is starting to come out again. So, Pink it is. But no worries, my yellow one is still doing its job too!

Taking the scale out of the equation...

There is no way around it, Tuesday morning SUCKED. My weigh in was frustrating and that set the tone for the morning. I couldn't find my groove, couldn't find my stride and I WAS PISSED. I have made the decision to take the scale out of the equation. While I am proud of the weight I lost, I can't be dictated by it right now because it affects my attitude and my self esteem and that CANNOT HAPPEN!

I was pissed and sad and couldn't stop thinking about how crappy I felt about myself. So, I put on my workout gear and went running at lunch. And that is when I modified my mind and how I think about this process. Yes I want to lose weight, but more so I want to be healthy! I want to feel good about myself. So, I am taking the scale out of the equation.

So what does

Saturday I worked my ass off...I worked so hard to the point of exhaustion. In fact, I worked out so hard that I went to bed at 8:15 on a Saturday night and didn't wake until 6:00 this morning...

When I was at the grocery store, I noticed Hostess Twinkies on the shelf. Since they'd been gone so long they caught my eye. The entire box was almost twice the number of calories I burned in three hours of working out. So yah I passed em up...NOT WORTH IT!!!! And I know, I could bring the box in the house and just have 1 serving but 1 leads to many and it is so not worth it.

Let's talk Pound Fit...

Friday night, I once again stepped out of my comfort zone. One of the girls from bootcamp has a friend who is the only certified pound fit instructor in Kansas City so she organized a Friday night 'Happy Hour' workout. It was SOOOO FUN!!!

First off, what is pound fit you ask? Well here is the write up from the main site (http://www.poundfit.com/)

"Pound is a full-body cardio jam session, combining light resistance with constant simulated drumming. The workout fuses cardio, Pilates, isometric movements, plyometrics and Isometric poses into a 45-minute series. Burn between 600 and 900 calories per hour, strengthen and sculpt infrequently used muscles, and drum your way to a leaner, slimmer physique – all while rocking out to your favorite music!"

The founders are actually two women who love fitness and are actual drummers. 

I didn't realize how hard of a workout it was until the next morning when ow ow ow...it hurt but it was GREAT!

The meet ups and workouts are held in random places right now. If you are on Facebook I encourage you to like this page to get updates : https://www.facebook.com/KCPoundfit

And, if you want to go to one of the classes give me a shout! I'll go with ya!

Let's talk Fusion Fly...

Saturday morning at 6:55 am was a big day. I took my first ever Spin class. And unlike going to the local community center, I went all out and hit Fusion Fly! It is the new Spin studio that was opened at Fusion. I had no idea how to adjust the bike or what I was doing and the instructor was amazing!!! She helped me get situated, explained to the whole group what we were doing. And man oh man did I get a workout.

Like I said it wasn't a typical Spin class in that it included weights (we did bicep curls and other arm exercises while spinning) and resistance bands (again crazy arm workout while spinning). It was a miracle I didn't fall off the bike. I credit the months of core work. Oh and when we were done on the bike, we knocked out a 3 minute push up workout on the ground. Man it felt GREAT! I will definitely do another class, if I can get in!

My first Spin...

More later but I think I'm in love...

It's about going when you don't want to....

It was one of those days...the dragging my feet pissed I have to work hard kind of days. The last thing I wanted to do was work out. The DEFINITELY the last thing I wanted to do was back to back workouts. So what do you do? You put on your workout gear (you have come to hate on certain days) and you get your ass to your workout(s). So while I still didn't want to be there, I did it and now I can go to sleep proud of myself.

8 months...

It's been 8 months since I started this 'project' and I can't believe it. To mark the occasion here is a side by side selfie...

Forgiving and getting going...

Well I am a few workouts behind schedule, but considering I was on vacation I am ok with that. I still moved around every day and I still tried (not as hard as I should but as hard as I wanted to) to push myself. So now, I am back. Tonight I took Fusion Mix and holy hell it was painful. Not only were the moves hard, but the room was SWELTERING and and sweat was pouring out from everywhere. I forgot how awesome that can feel! So I forgive myself for not kicking ass while on vacation and instead, push back into it. I need to knock out 13-14 workouts this week. And, I am gonna do it DAMN IT!!!

When a workout can be recreational...

So not much to say, but I spent Friday biking and walking Mackinac Island. It has to count as my workouts for Friday but it was so much fun!!!

Sometimes you over do it...

Oh my lord I am in PAIN!!! Like full body owwww. I am so sore no workout today as I truly needed rest and ice. When ice wasn't cutting it I went down to the lake. The lake we go to is a glacier lake and rarely gets above 50 or 55. So I used it to my advantage. As people were on the beach bitching about the cold water, I was doing the full body dunk. It felt gooooood....

Perhaps a new career...

On vacation again and went to my friends studio today...

First I should say I ran hill intervals on this bitch of a hill...

Then I knocked out 3 miles.

Then I went to Studio S (www.studiosfitness.com) for 'Beginning Pole Dance' which is exactly what it sounds like. This time, I got both feet off the ground!

I used to carry that around every day...

First things first...I AM ON VACATION!!! I am at our family home in Northern Michigan and I am so so so happy. This is my bliss. While I drive north from the airport, I feel all of my exhaustion/tension/stress all melt away. 

But, I had an amazing epiphany in the airport parking lot. I was walking out to our car (we leave one here all summer and trade it off in the airport parking lot) and I was schlepping a small carry on bag, my purse and my golf clubs. About half way to the car I had to pause. I was wiped out and everything was so damn heavy. I did the math in my head and realized that all of those bags added up to about the amount of weight I lost and I almost lost it right there in the parking lot of Cherry Capital International Airport.

How the F*** did I get from point A to point B when I was carrying all that weight all day every day?! Just, unreal.

So tonight I knocked out 5 1/2 miles run/walk...well more walk than run. But I kept admiring the scenery...

A day off as I prep for 'vacation'...

I was way too swamped to work in two workouts or even one today. I know, it isn't an excuse and I could have probably done it. I am going on vacation for the rest of the week. My goal is to knock out lots of working out this week and relax. It will be nice to just focus on this and not work or other obligations. But for now I find it hilarious that my 'vacation' packing involves a lot of workout clothes and not a hell of a lot of other clothes.

Not shin splints, and salty sweat in my eye is annoying...

My legs, though sore, are feeling better. I think it isn't shin splints as earlier thought just a case of 'Crap what are you doing to me' from my legs.

In other news, today was Circuit Circus class. I LOVE this class. The regular instructor was out and that was a bummer and there were a TON of no-shows (like we only had 15 people where normally there are 30-40). The class is great. It is a guaranteed 500 calorie burn. Here is how it works:

There are about 15 'stations'. At each station there are 2 exercises. You generally have two people at each station so one does one exercise while the other does the other...then after 1 minute you switch and after each person has done both exercises at the station, you rotate. By about station 4 you are working up a pretty good sweat. Today was no exception. While in plank, sweat was streaming down my face and into my eyes so I finally had to just close my eyes and deal with it. Sometimes at the end of the circuit we knock out 10 minutes of abs. Today, every few stations, our substitute instructor would stop us and have us do something painful...deep squats, deep lunges, lengthy planking etc.

If you can make it through this class and/or Switch Up on Wednesday nights then you are a damn hero in my opinion...which means I have a pretty high opinion of myself.

So yah that was a 5K well more...

This morning I got up and it was a crazy gorgeous day weather wise. We never have this kind of weather at the end of July. I was scheduled for a 9:15 Fusion class so I decided I needed to get a run in. So, off I went. The goal was to walk a minute, run a minute and repeat for 45 minutes minimum.

I started out on my usual route and a funny thing happened. The running felt good. I felt fast, I felt free I felt like somehow I was to be envied. And rather than turning left, I turned right and went further and further and further....

I should mention I use an app on my iPhone called 'Map my Walk'. You can use GPS with it so I usually start it when I start my run/walks and figure out my distance at the end.

...back to how I was going further....

If I didn't have a 9:15 class I would have kept going. But, I had to turn towards home so I could eat some protein before class. I attacked the hills between where I was and my house. And I kept running! And then, I got home and stopped my mapping app. I about died when I saw. I knocked out a 5K! Well, actually I knocked out 5.5K! And I wasn't miserable. I was warmed up and ready for class!!!

Oh no...oh no...is this the start of shin splints...

So I am enjoying running, to a degree. I mean don't get me wrong it isn't my favorite. But there is something immensely satisfying about putting on my workout gear mid day and walking out of the office across the street to run around the lakes. I like walking past folks heading out for fast food...I like feeling the sun and the sweat...I love watching my heart rate go up then down during intervals.

I don't like the hurting. My shins have started to really bother me in the last couple days. I will ice them but yah, I am afraid I am starting to get shin splints. Until now I was running on the indoor soccer field mostly with the soft cushion. I only occasionally ran outside. I have a goal to make a dent in this couch to 5k program, but this could be a different sort of challenge with regards to pushing through the pain or knowing when to stop. Time will tell, I'll keep you posted.

And all of a sudden its 1995...

My company went jeans casual. I hate it. Don't get me wrong it is cool to have the option, but, when you are losing a lot of weight clothes are expensive. And, jeans don't look good when they are too big. So I have put off buying jeans. I figure it is Summer so it's too hot for jeans.

When I left the office today, I decided I wanted jeans that fit. Just one pair. So I had some time to kill before an event so I went to a store. I don't want to 'advertise' for them so I will call the store 'New Army.' There is a lot about this trip I want to share.

First, 'New Army' is next door to one of 2 stores I could generally shop in before that carried my size. I used to walk in and glance at 'New Army' and think, 'Man, it would be nice to go in there and try things on.' Instead I would walk into the 'Big Girl' store and buy clothes I didn't love and walk away frustrated. Today I walked into 'New Army' without even thinking twice about the old store next door.

I made my way to the jeans, a foreign section to me. they have different cuts based on your body type and apparently I am a 'skinny' jeans girl. So I grabbed a pair in a number I knew should fit and just for kicks grabbed a pair a size down from that. With the jeans in hand I trekked to the dressing room.

Dressing rooms for me used to be a place to get in, get out, don't linger, don't look, don't care. If it buttons buy it, if it doesn't run away! Today, I lingered. I pulled on the size I knew would fit and well while they buttoned and zipped no problem they were baggy. I noticed this because I looked in the mirror. And then, I looked down at jeans that were a size smaller. Shrugged my shoulders and thought, 'Why not?'

I pulled em on and damn if they didn't fit. Oh my gosh they FIT! And they felt good...That is when the mental math started happening and I realized that the last time I was this size was about 1995 or 96. Talk about a Throw Back Thursday!

As I shrink out of clothes they get kicked out of my home. But, I kept one pair of my largest jeans so I can always remember where I was and where I never want to be again!

I can almost be described as a runner....

So my new favorite thing is to put on my shoes and running skirt at lunch, walk across the street to that other office park and run around their man made artificial lakes. I see other people, I spend time in the sun and all of a sudden I am running. Remember how I felt back in January? You don't, well check out this post...'And just like that I was running...'

That was just sprinting across a soccer field for 30 seconds. Here I am 7 months later and I am not only choosing to sweat during the workday (resulting in yet another shower) but I am RUNNING! I am running in public! I am the person who runs past people walking. And while I am still doing a lot of Run/Walk combos ie: Run 1 min Walk 1 min ...I AM DOING IT!

I have to go back and re-read those really early posts. I am having trouble remembering that girl and even though I didn't look or feel good, I want to go back in time and hug her. I want to thank her for picking up the phone and making a call that started this whole new life!

On not letting the excuses derail you..

Today was one of those days. The kind where you wake up and you have so much on your to-do list that you want to pull the blanket over your head and sleep on through the day. This is where the new me kicks the old me's ass.

Not only did I tackle my to do list, but I managed to work in two workouts. You can see em here if you don't believe me. The second one (at lunch) was fun because I discovered the fun of hitting the walking trails across the road from my office.

It is easy to get derailed, believe me I know. It is easy to say 'Oh XYZ happened so I can't work out today,' or 'I don't have time to make a healthy choice so I will run through the drive through.'

Guess what, there is absolutely NO REASON you can't squeeze in at least 30 minutes of a workout. I am trying to get in 120 minutes a day of a workout during this project so surely 30 minutes are available in everyone's day somewhere.

And, surprise, it takes almost the EXACT same amount of time to drive to a grocery store and get a salad as it does to drive to a fast food drive through. The only difference, you have to (OH MY GOSH) get out of the car and walk a few hundred feet round trip.

You know what, for every excuse I hear I try to silently come up with a response. I don't always say them out loud. I do this not to be judgmental of others but because, well, there isn't a single excuse I could hear that I haven't used in some form. By formulating a response to these in my head I find it easier to not make those excuses.

Somethings up, and it's not my heart rate...

I've felt strange all dang day. My heart rate has been really slow. I could attribute it to low blood sugar, but I've been eating so maybe not. All I know is I tried to hit it hard and do 2 back to back workouts tonight at the studio. I couldn't get my heart rate up. I don't know if it is because I was tired so I couldn't push or what. So I will accept that today wasn't the best. I will go to sleep and get up at 4:45 and try again. No use beating myself up.

And then, I rest...

Sunday was a great day. It would have been my Grandmother's 100th birthday. So I got up, got 3 miles in and went with my father down to the family cemetery. It was about a 3 hour round trip. We had a nice talk about the work I've been doing and how I've changed. My dad is always a good one to chat with about change and goals. When I asked him if he remembered that first day and how awful I felt (so much so I threw up) and whether he thought to himself that I couldn't do it, he responded..."Nope, I knew you were committed so I knew you would keep going." I believe him. He's always believed in me so that was a good chat.

God bless you 1-a days...

This round I switched things up a bit. I am trying to push to get 2 workouts a day Monday thru Friday so Saturday and Sunday I can just do one nice long workout. The last two rounds I would try for 4 in a weekend and that was hard.

So today I slept in and enjoyed it. I spent the afternoon on a 6 mile walk. It was really relaxing, especially checking out streets in my town I've never been down.

And that makes 10...

Oh my goodness I am exhausted. 10 workouts in 5 days. Tomorrow morning I will hit an 8:30 am class then possibly a run. I have to get one workout in on Saturday and one on Sunday and I did it! 12 workouts in my first week back on track. For now, I am gonna rock a couple Ibuprofen and go to sleep. No no, don't be jealous....

I forgot how hard this is..

Last bootcamp, well,  I kind of slept through it. Don't get me wrong I lost weight. I got in better shape. But, in all honesty I did not give it 100%.

This round is different. I am pushing myself to get after it. It is now 4 days in and I have 8 of my 12 workouts for the 7 days done. Don't believe me? Check out my log here...

I'm recording everything. I'm writing every day and I am pushing. Already I have seen the scale start dropping. I should mention, that yes I do get on the scale every morning. But, I do not get on and only smile if I've lost. I get on first thing in the morning to remind myself where I am, where I am trying to go and I almost always step off and regardless of the number I marvel at where I was on January 6, 2013 (the night before I made this choice).

I'm working out, I'm drinking a ridiculous amount of water and I am eating constantly. Wait, what's that? YES I am eating constantly. Almost every 2 hours I eat. But, I am eating whole foods (save for the occasional treat that does get counted). I eat every couple hours for a couple reasons.

1. It keeps my blood sugar from dropping down and making me devour anything I see.
2. In order to get 1200 calories of food (when I am eating whole foods) I kind of have to eat every couple hours... 8:00, 10:00, 12:00, 14:00, 16:00 and then a small snack/dinner after my workout.

My mind is never far from this mission that I am on. I am reminded every time I have to eat. I am also reminded every time I sit/stand/lift my arms/try to tie my shoe etc. Cause yup, I am in PAIN. Not 'Ow I injured myself' pain but a 'WOW, I haven't felt that in a while who knew I had muscles there...' pain. My friend F who did this in the first round with me said to me today "That's good! It means you are breaking through your plateau." God, I hope she is right!

Oh my goodness I'm one of 'those people'...

Let's start with how my morning started...snooze BUTTON.....Yah no morning workout. Instead I went to switch up tonight and sweated my ass off. Then, I cam home and hit my neighborhood for a 3 mile run/walk. The result... 1000 calories burned in a little over 2 hours. 

While I was out in my neighborhood at dusk, I realized it is a different world. It is the summer time late night excercise people They are everywhere. I can see in people's living rooms and see what they are watching on TV and I think why aren't they out doing stuff...

Then, I realized it... I'm one of 'those people'. The people I used to see pass by my house in the dusk of the heat of the summer and think to myself, 'What the F$$$ are they thinking? God made A/C for a reason!' 

But now, I AM one of those people. Jury is still out but I think I like being a person walking by rather than the person in the living room.

Don't forget to check out my workout checklist here...

Man I've missed this...

Everyone seemed to think that having 2 weeks off had to be awesome. I'm not gonna lie, it was. It was nice to sleep in and take a break. But I forgot how much I missed the structure of a program. I think being forced to plan out my entire day around working out and healthy eating makes me so much more productive.

For example, today's schedule:

TIME	ACTIVITY
04:45	Wake Up
05:00	Out the Door
95:30 - 06:30	Bootcamp
06:30 - 07:10	Get Ready and Leave for work
07:30 - 11:30	Morning Work
11:30 - 12:30	Lunch meeting with a co-worker over lunch on a personal project
12:30 - 17:00	Afternoon work
17:00 - 17:15	Commute
17:20 - 18:00	Couch to 5K Run (in 94 degree heat)
18:00 - 18:20	Shower and change for meeting
18:30 - 20:00	Philanthropy dinner meeting for Alumnae Organization (I'm the President)
20:00 - 20:20	Take care of my brother's dog
20:30 - 21:30	Laundry, blog and random chores
21:30	LIGHTS OUT

I get so much more done when I have to plan out every single minute of my day. But, I love it. I can put my head down at night and know that what I did today was productive and full of good choices.

Don't forget you can follow my daily workouts here...

Bootcamp 3.0...setting some goals and coming back from a backslide..

Ok, so 2 weeks off was much needed...it was also VERY dangerous. I backslid a LOT. To the tune of sloth and gluttony. Didn't work out nearly enough, didn't log food, didn't drink water...so yah I GAINED...quite a bit of weight. So now I am back, I am focused and I AM READY!!!

Since this is my 3rd round through I had to think about my goals for this round.

Goal #1: I think the last round I slacked a bit on getting all 12 workouts in so that is my first goal. To help me do that I am going to record on here the different workouts that I do.

Goal #2: I am recommitting to this blog. It helps keep me accountable and apparently (based on emails and texts I get this blog helps others).

Goal #3: RUN a full 5K. Here is the deal. I run for bootcamp. The sprints are nothing but the long distance jogging...yah that blows. So I started up with the Couch to 5K program. I'm hardly starting from the couch but I am following the program exactly.

Goal #4: Weight Loss...My easy goal is 20lbs my HUGE goal is 30lbs. Given this is a shortened session and the fact that I backslid so much I really want to hit that 30 but I have to keep my goals realistic and love my effort.


So there you go...those are my goals...and in keeping with Goal #1:

Workout 1 of 96
   Got up Monday morning and Ran/Walked the Couch to 5K at 6:00 am. Did Week 1 Day 2 of this workout and completed it successfully so I can move on to Week 1 Day 3.

Workout 2 of 96
  Went to the Monday night class at Fusion InTENse. It was my first class back in a couple weeks and OWWW...but I burned a lot and felt good.

I will maintain my workouts on this page which you can see over there in the side bar...

Results are in...

Well after 6 months of working my ass off here we go...

The number everyone focuses on is pounds lost so let's get that out of the way... I'm down 53 lbs.

The other number is inches so ya that is a big ole -30 inches....

The numbers I LOVE are these...they demonstrate how far I have come with regards to my fitness. That is what I am most proud of.

	January 7, 2013	June 27, 2013
Active Heart Rate	168	128
Resting Heart Rate	86	55
Push Ups in 1 minute	9 on Knees	50 on Toes and 5 on Knees
Hold Plank	24 seconds	1 minute 30 seconds
Mile Time	17 minutes 30 seconds	10 minutes

And how did I get here? Math. I count every single bite that I eat and every stinking calorie I burn. I plan every single move meticulously and have given up A LOT. Sacrifice is the key to this whole program. You have to give up short term pleasures for long term gain. 

So now I 'rest' (which means only workout per day not two). And, I mentally prepare to hit it again in 2 weeks. I'm already missing my bootcamp workouts. 

The eve of the weigh in...

I need to calm down. I am stressing out and I know that translates into gaining weight. I have to remember that what I've done is a great accomplishment and focus on that! This is not about a single day this is about a life change. But damn, I really want to hit a certain number.

Pushing to the final weigh in...

I am less than 48 hours from our final weigh in and measurements for this round. These weeks have gone so fast. I think it helped that there was vacation somewhere in the middle and that I reached a couple milestones.

As I prepare for the last weigh in of this session, I am OBSESSED with water intake. Can't get enough H2O! I am shunning every activity outside of work in favor of workouts. I really want to hit -20 for this round which would be -52 overall.

Right now every pound is just gravy because every number on the scale is a number I haven't seen in almost 20 years at least! So I just have to give it my all for another 33 hours. I can do this!!!

Thanks for reading...

Just a quick thank you to a few folks out there who take time to read what I write. Who tell me on this blog, or via email or in person what they think. I want to especially thank you ladies in our Accounting Department for being such great cheerleaders! You three make me laugh! Thanks so much W, M and B!

Feel bad for the haters and move on....

I've started to experience something new. Haters. I'm not saying people hate me, though I am sure there are a few out there that don't like me and that is life. I'm talking about haters in the sense that they can't be happy for me because they are sad with their situation. I've gotten glares and snide comments. It makes me sad, for about a second, then I move on. And really when I'm sad, I'm sad for them.

I don't understand why as women we feel the need to express jealousy of another's success in such a negative fashion. Fine, be jealous that is normal but don't turn around and try to pull that woman down. I believe it is one of the reasons women as a gender haven't risen up to our full potential. Rather than celebrating each others success, we covet it and wonder how we can get it and if we don't think we can get it for ourselves we try to take it from the one that has it.

So go ahead and hate, it isn't getting you any closer to success. And that's your problem.

How can you get there...

Holy shit, I can touch my toes...

In class, I was stretching before we got started. I don't usually do this. Honestly I just hang and jump in and stretch after. Without even thinking I bent over, legs straight and put my hands on the ground. All of a sudden, I realized, 'HOLY SHIT I'M TOUCHING MY TOES!!!'

When did that happen? When did I become flexible enough to do that? When did my stomach get out of the way to make that possible? I have no idea but it is those little discoveries that keep this adventure new, exciting and refreshing. Things like this make me think...'Hmmmm what else can I do and I just don't know it?'
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Showing some skin...

I went out the other night. I wore a cute dress with spaghetti straps and a strapless bra. Nothing covering my shoulders or arms.

It is in the high 90's here and let me tell you, it is so much more tolerable to wear short skirts and sleeveless attire. I've discovered that feeling good in my clothes doesn't just mean having them fit. It means feeling good about how I look. About feeling comfortable in my environment (ie: not wearing a cardigan in summer heat). It's about walking into a room and not wanting to hide in the corner or at the back of a group.

I'm showing some skin and it's feeling great!

On crossing the halfway mark...

I am now closer to my goal than I am to my starting point. I crossed the midpoint and am continuing to push to the goal. I can't believe I am so much closer to my goal than I was a month, two months, six months ago.

And, while I am excited that I am more than halfway there, I am also terrified knowing what it will take to get there. I hurt, I'm sore, I want a damn cheeseburger. But, I want that goal more.

I want to start a chain reaction...

I want to start a chain reaction.
I want people to look at me and realize they can do what they want to do.
I want people to know that the only obstacle is their mind.
I want people to look at their life, take an assessment and make a change to get to where they want to be.
I want my friends to feel as good as I do.
I want my friends to look in the mirror and feel their worth and smile at themselves.
I want my friends to wake up every day excited for change.
I want everyone I love to be happy and joyous and honestly ecstatic about their lives.
I want to start a chain reaction.

Walking into a 'normal' store...

I went to a normal store. That is to say a store that sells clothes that 'normal' sized people go to. Where they don't sell clothes in my old size on the racks, rather you have to order those online. I went to a normal store and I walked from rack to rack thinking about the clothes, trying to figure out what size I am. I pulled the largest size and somehow knew it was wrong but still took a couple dresses in that size as sort of a security blanket. I went to the dressing room and tried on everything the big size was way to big and the smallest size I pulled was just right. I turned around, looked in the mirror and thought. Then I put it all back on hangers and walked out without buying a thing.

The old me would have snatched up the first thing that fit, thankful that it covered me. The new me stopped to think if I really liked what I was wearing and since I didn't I put it back. I knew I could go to another 'normal' store and buy something better.