Is it better to not know?

It's Wednesday. My anxiety about Wednesday nights grows exponentially starting around 1:00 in the afternoon...because Wednesday night is switch up at Fusion. I've mentioned it a couple times (here: First Wednesday or Second Wednesday) but now it is week three. On the first week, we were all nervous because we had no idea what to expect. Then I heard a regular say that this is the hardest class offered at Fusion. By the second week, I was apprehensive because I remembered how hard the first week had been but then we worked with new equipment...enter the sliders. These horrible discs that you stand on and do mountain climbers or awful moves that make your whole body burn.

This week was different. Gone was my apprehension based on the unknown, gone was the fear I couldn't get through the class. Tonight, my fear was based on knowing....and on a decision. A decision I made to consciously push myself and my body beyond any comfort zone. I would attempt every move. And while I knew I couldn't do them the whole time, I would push until I couldn't anymore. I didn't know what I could do and I wouldn't know until I tried. And so, I did. I pushed and I grunted and I sweated through my shirt. I gave myself mental pep talks and pushed hard for the last 20 seconds of almost every move until I had no energy left. I even experienced the epic joy of snorting sweat up my nose while contorted in a position into which no human being should ever be forced. So I knew what to expect and I didn't know how far I could push...Now I know I can push myself and I'm proud. But, now I know I can push myself and next Wednesday is only 7 days away.